Yesterday when I got home I saw he used his soap - FINALLY. So I get to reset my counter. So that streak was from last Monday night (when I noticed, who knows how long it was before I noticed) to Wednesday night. WOW!!! Last night the toothbrush and paste was in the same exact position.
Today it seems he used the soap AGAIN because the crescent I put yesterday was gone today. And today he moved the toothbrush and toothpaste - he rearranged his area of the bathroom shelf - don't know if he actually USED anything. SO... tonight I will set my traps and start my counter again.
He didn't clean the apartment though, or sweep the floor of all of his dog's hair, or clean the toilet of his nasty leftover DNA. OH! Which reminds me: Last night when I went to the bathroom before bed there were some drops on the toilet. They were perfectly clear - so to those that think that the residue might NOT be urine... at least last night's wasn't the other. BUT - when I went to wipe it up with some toilet paper, the paper felt like it was sticking to the toilet. SO - I'm not sure if it's his urine, or what. If he spills insulin, would it be sticky? Any diabetics out there???
Just a thought. Either way this whole thing is exhausting me.
123 days until I have my own place.
Thursday, December 29, 2011
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
Count Stankula
Ok so before I get into this next one, I have to just say that I'm feeling some guilt. Because Art is a nice guy, and a good person. I feel like I'm evil for doing this - but no one knows who he is unless you're really close to me (and those close to me would never give away my secrets) so that makes me feel a little bit better. And I'm not attacking him personally, just his hygiene habits - which are clearly questionable....
But he is a good person and incredibly talented and we are friends and I shouldn't be doing this...
...ok on to my next story.
Last night I was getting ready for bed and he says that one of his online author friends wants him to take a picture of himself as a vampire, because she had written a vampire book and he had illustrated the cover. He asks if I'd be willing to take pictures of him, I say sure.
So I ask him how he's going to make himself look like a vampire - he has a plan - ketchup!!!!!
I go get my phone and come back and he looks like a murder scene - ketchup EVERYWHERE! Matted in his hair, all on the side of his face and all of his neck, behind his ear, a big hand print on his shirt, etc. He put a bunch of catalina dressing in a wine glass and has a plan for the picture.
He lights a candle and we turn off the lights.
He starts posing for his picture, with the glass, without the glass, "blood" oozing from his fingers, from his mouth, etc. I say "Put some on your teeth and then lick your teeth!!!" And so he starts "finger brushing" his teeth with the catalina dressing and saying "uck this is gross" and I'm just LAUGHING on the inside thinking "well at least you're pretend brushing..."
So we take pictures and he's getting antsy - he says "Hurry up - I can't wait to get this stuff off me!!!" so I think well now he will definitely use the soap so I'll have to "reset" my tracking.
We take a few more pictures, turn on the lights, he goes into the bathroom and I look at the mess he made on the table. I tell him from the kitchen that he better clean up his mess and I start walking to my room, I see the bathroom door is open...
... and I see...
...him in the bathroom over the sink, rinsing off with water.
WHAT?
Why wouldn't you just jump in the shower to WASH OFF with soap and shampoo????????
This morning when I showered the crescent was still there, of course. And now I wouldn't be surprised if it's still there tonight when I get home from work.
I marked my soap and my boy's body wash so I'll know if he uses it.
I'm not holding my breath. Maybe I should.
But he is a good person and incredibly talented and we are friends and I shouldn't be doing this...
...ok on to my next story.
Last night I was getting ready for bed and he says that one of his online author friends wants him to take a picture of himself as a vampire, because she had written a vampire book and he had illustrated the cover. He asks if I'd be willing to take pictures of him, I say sure.
So I ask him how he's going to make himself look like a vampire - he has a plan - ketchup!!!!!
I go get my phone and come back and he looks like a murder scene - ketchup EVERYWHERE! Matted in his hair, all on the side of his face and all of his neck, behind his ear, a big hand print on his shirt, etc. He put a bunch of catalina dressing in a wine glass and has a plan for the picture.
He lights a candle and we turn off the lights.
He starts posing for his picture, with the glass, without the glass, "blood" oozing from his fingers, from his mouth, etc. I say "Put some on your teeth and then lick your teeth!!!" And so he starts "finger brushing" his teeth with the catalina dressing and saying "uck this is gross" and I'm just LAUGHING on the inside thinking "well at least you're pretend brushing..."
So we take pictures and he's getting antsy - he says "Hurry up - I can't wait to get this stuff off me!!!" so I think well now he will definitely use the soap so I'll have to "reset" my tracking.
We take a few more pictures, turn on the lights, he goes into the bathroom and I look at the mess he made on the table. I tell him from the kitchen that he better clean up his mess and I start walking to my room, I see the bathroom door is open...
... and I see...
...him in the bathroom over the sink, rinsing off with water.
WHAT?
Why wouldn't you just jump in the shower to WASH OFF with soap and shampoo????????
This morning when I showered the crescent was still there, of course. And now I wouldn't be surprised if it's still there tonight when I get home from work.
I marked my soap and my boy's body wash so I'll know if he uses it.
I'm not holding my breath. Maybe I should.
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
I'm convinced he knows... and he's messing with me.
Ok so to all of you that have been reading my updates... tonight I have a treat for you!!! But first, let me tell you about my weekend! It was GREAT! I stayed with my sister on Saturday night, Sunday night and Monday night! Today I figured I'd better make an appearance at my apartment, so that Art doesn't rent out my room.
I get home and do my usual after work stuff. I won't bore you with those details again. I skip the bathroom part, but then decide to have a peek at the soap, just as a formality. I mean, the entire weekend has passed and surely he has used it. I had taken a pic on Saturday during the day but figured what's the point. Because when I get back after Christmas weekend I'll have to start over with my documenting. Boy do I wish I kept that picture... So I open the curtain, expecting to see nothing...
I get home and do my usual after work stuff. I won't bore you with those details again. I skip the bathroom part, but then decide to have a peek at the soap, just as a formality. I mean, the entire weekend has passed and surely he has used it. I had taken a pic on Saturday during the day but figured what's the point. Because when I get back after Christmas weekend I'll have to start over with my documenting. Boy do I wish I kept that picture... So I open the curtain, expecting to see nothing...
If I would have kept that picture, you would have seen that it is exactly the same as the picture I took today. The same dried up bubble lines, same crescent in the soap. (I made sure to point it out to you so you don't miss it.)
SURELY he must be messing with me, right? Because at this point it's TUESDAY night and it's been since LAST MONDAY night that I've been playing soap detective! Is he using my soap??? You better believe I will be checking my soap as well from now on!!!
Ok so I leave the bathroom, grab a quick bite to eat in the kitchen, then change for the gym. Before I leave for the gym I decide to use the bathroom... and guess what I see???
Ok for those of you that didn't believe me before... I hope you're not squeamish...
But wait! There's more...
Yup - I got two angles, in case you can't tell from just one pic. Now do you see what I'm talking about??? This isn't MOISTURE on the seat, it's a RESIDUE. That one drop looks like it was thick. COULD THIS NOT BE URINE???
Seriously this is too gross to handle. I mean... is this normal? Somebody give me some feedback please.
So... just for good measure, I decide to document the location of his toothbrush (right next to... the BOOT) and the location of his toothpaste. Which by the way has not been replaced since we moved in on April 30th - same toothpaste he had at his old place. I'm on my 4th or 5th tube of toothpaste already... just sayin. Is this his way of saving money???
So. I've got nothing at this point. There are no words. I don't know if there's another explanation, if he is using something else to wash up with (shampoo???) The toilet thing is grossing me out more and more and I think if I'm going to survive the next few months I'm going to have to speak up.
But you better believe I will be updating you guys along the way and taking pictures so you can see it with your own eyes. I'm in no way exaggerating.
125 disgusted days to go until April 30, 2012... *sigh*
Monday, December 26, 2011
GASP! The HORROR! (Present #2)
I usually have a routine when I get home from work/school: I get home, dump my stuff in my room, go to the kitchen to put my dirty coffee mug/containers from lunch, go to the bathroom, then figure out dinner or whatever I’m going to do for the evening. This particular day was a day Art didn’t have to work, so he was home all day.
See, as my prior post explained, I now have to examine the toilet seat before I sit down. Otherwise I run the risk of permanently sticking to the toilet seat. Maybe he should patent his urine as an adhesive.
It was last week – the week I noticed the M on the soap. I get home, dump my stuff, go into the kitchen, say hi to Art (he’s on his computer), go to the bathroom. What I find in the bathroom is so disturbing I’m not sure how you’re going to take it. I wanted to run screaming. I had to hold back an audible gasp of horror. It was WAY more than I was prepared for.
Stuck TO the urine adhesive was the longest pubic hair I’ve ever seen. And there was more than one. The longest was at least two inches long. I exaggerate NOT. I was tempted to not only grab a ruler, but my camera. But since Art was right outside I didn’t have time. I washed the toilet seat with what I had in the bathroom – toilet paper, hand soap and water. I was afraid of coming close to the hairs, for fear they might attack me.
You thought I was joking about the sticky residue? Clearly the adhesive was so strong it plucked a small clump of these earth worms out of Art’s pubic area. This incident left me dazed, confused and full of questions. Questions like:
1. Are we living in a small tribe in some third world country where they’ve never heard of trimmers or razors?
2. How do you live day to day while having dreadlocks between your legs?
3. Is that uncomfortable? It must get HOT down there.
4. How do you not notice what you’re leaving behind on the toilet when you clearly do NOT live alone?
5. Are any stores currently running any specials on weed whackers???
I quickly used the bathroom, washed my hands, and then went into my room for the rest of the night. I was left with no appetite and I clearly didn’t want to interact with Art.
At this point… should I say something? Should I buy him a gift certificate somewhere? Do they sell washes/cuts/styling for the pubic area??? I’m at a loss.
What I do know is this:
I will now put a container of disinfecting wipes in the bathroom and a pair of rubber gloves – I’m not sure what’s coming next.
…and there are 126 days left until April 30, 2012. Then, the lease is up.
Ugh… The Toilet.
Ok, so while I’m venting, I may as well VENT, right? This one is straightforward and talks about bodily fluids, so if you’re going to be offended – skip it. We all use the bathroom. No sense getting all giggly or embarrassed about it. Ok here goes.
Sometimes I think I may be living with an animal. An animal besides the dog I actually live with (which is Art’s). And here’s where I wonder if the issue is the fact that we’re opposite genders. But then I think back to when I was married and I never had this problem before. I think of the places that I’ve visited and the people that I know and I’ve never encountered this issue before. So apparently my roommate is a creature all on his own or he’s purposely going out of his way to disgust me.
I need to talk about: THE TOILET.
At first I thought it was the dog. Then, I thought it was the boys. (They’re both 6 and might not know any better.) Now, I think there’s only one explanation.
See, what I’m talking about is not the toilet seat being left up, as is usually the complaint of most women. I’d gladly deal with a lifted toilet seat if at least the seat was left clean and usable. My issue is with whatever is left on the toilet.
“What is left on the toilet???” you might be asking yourself. Or maybe you think you know. Nope, it’s not what you assume. And it’s not just one thing.
On more than one occasion I noticed there were dried up drops of something that appeared to have a sheen to it on the floor in front of the toilet. Yes, it looks like if you drop something that isn’t water, and it dries up and leaves a residue. It’s not a stain. It’s a residue. How do I know that??? Ugh – I found out the hard way.
BUT before we get to that story... let’s talk about the drops. Men out there – I ask you: Do you watch where you pee? Do you make sure you’ve STOPPED peeing before you step away from the toilet? When you’re sitting on the toilet, do you make sure you are going to pee INSIDE the toilet???
Like I said before, I thought it was the boys, and more than once I’ve noticed that Bart “forgets” to put up the toilet seat and we end up with a puddle of pee behind the seat, on the seat, on the floor next to the toilet. But the thought that maybe it was Bart went out the window when one day when neither of the boys were there I went into the bathroom after work and there are some drops in front of the toilet. I was overcome with the urge to grab Art by the back of the head, push his head down so his nose is right ON the drops and scream at him. See, if you’re going to act like an animal, I’ll gladly treat you like one.
As you know, women SIT on the toilet when they’re not someplace public, because they TRUST that whoever they live with or are visiting or have visiting are not DISGUSTING and won’t leave unwanted presents for you to find on your toilet seat.
Well, this one time I used the toilet. In my own apartment. After I got up, and start pulling my pants up, I felt that the back of my leg felt sticky. Not gooey oozy sticky, just sticky. Um… ok. Let’s look on the toilet seat. It looks shiny yet it’s dry. Um… ok. Cue the disgust and anger.
So if the drops are on the floor in front of the toilet that’s one thing, but how did they get ON the toilet seat??? Art is good for making sure the seat is down most of the time, but now I wonder if he even bothers to lift it when he goes. Or is he leaving the residue when he’s sitting, and he maybe doesn’t make it IN the toilet. Ugh – am I dealing with a child???
See, I don’t know about you, ladies, but anytime I hover, I run the risk of leaving a drop or more on the toilet seat. It depends on my aim, how bad I have to go, and how much I’ve had to drink. Common courtesy has me take some toilet paper and wipe up anything I leave behind, even if I’m in a public restroom. Why do I bother???? BECAUSE I’M NOT AN ANIMAL!
Ok something else… WTF is the residue???? He is a big time soda drinker (he drinks soda, Hard Iced Teas, milk… that’s it), and he is a diabetic.
Is it possible he is urinating aspartame????? WHY IS HIS URINE SO STICKY?!?!?!?!?!
So, now before I use my own bathroom in my OWN apartment I not only have to inspect it, but I wipe it down.
…which is how I found present #2.
Sometimes I think I may be living with an animal. An animal besides the dog I actually live with (which is Art’s). And here’s where I wonder if the issue is the fact that we’re opposite genders. But then I think back to when I was married and I never had this problem before. I think of the places that I’ve visited and the people that I know and I’ve never encountered this issue before. So apparently my roommate is a creature all on his own or he’s purposely going out of his way to disgust me.
I need to talk about: THE TOILET.
At first I thought it was the dog. Then, I thought it was the boys. (They’re both 6 and might not know any better.) Now, I think there’s only one explanation.
See, what I’m talking about is not the toilet seat being left up, as is usually the complaint of most women. I’d gladly deal with a lifted toilet seat if at least the seat was left clean and usable. My issue is with whatever is left on the toilet.
“What is left on the toilet???” you might be asking yourself. Or maybe you think you know. Nope, it’s not what you assume. And it’s not just one thing.
On more than one occasion I noticed there were dried up drops of something that appeared to have a sheen to it on the floor in front of the toilet. Yes, it looks like if you drop something that isn’t water, and it dries up and leaves a residue. It’s not a stain. It’s a residue. How do I know that??? Ugh – I found out the hard way.
BUT before we get to that story... let’s talk about the drops. Men out there – I ask you: Do you watch where you pee? Do you make sure you’ve STOPPED peeing before you step away from the toilet? When you’re sitting on the toilet, do you make sure you are going to pee INSIDE the toilet???
Like I said before, I thought it was the boys, and more than once I’ve noticed that Bart “forgets” to put up the toilet seat and we end up with a puddle of pee behind the seat, on the seat, on the floor next to the toilet. But the thought that maybe it was Bart went out the window when one day when neither of the boys were there I went into the bathroom after work and there are some drops in front of the toilet. I was overcome with the urge to grab Art by the back of the head, push his head down so his nose is right ON the drops and scream at him. See, if you’re going to act like an animal, I’ll gladly treat you like one.
As you know, women SIT on the toilet when they’re not someplace public, because they TRUST that whoever they live with or are visiting or have visiting are not DISGUSTING and won’t leave unwanted presents for you to find on your toilet seat.
Well, this one time I used the toilet. In my own apartment. After I got up, and start pulling my pants up, I felt that the back of my leg felt sticky. Not gooey oozy sticky, just sticky. Um… ok. Let’s look on the toilet seat. It looks shiny yet it’s dry. Um… ok. Cue the disgust and anger.
So if the drops are on the floor in front of the toilet that’s one thing, but how did they get ON the toilet seat??? Art is good for making sure the seat is down most of the time, but now I wonder if he even bothers to lift it when he goes. Or is he leaving the residue when he’s sitting, and he maybe doesn’t make it IN the toilet. Ugh – am I dealing with a child???
See, I don’t know about you, ladies, but anytime I hover, I run the risk of leaving a drop or more on the toilet seat. It depends on my aim, how bad I have to go, and how much I’ve had to drink. Common courtesy has me take some toilet paper and wipe up anything I leave behind, even if I’m in a public restroom. Why do I bother???? BECAUSE I’M NOT AN ANIMAL!
Ok something else… WTF is the residue???? He is a big time soda drinker (he drinks soda, Hard Iced Teas, milk… that’s it), and he is a diabetic.
Is it possible he is urinating aspartame????? WHY IS HIS URINE SO STICKY?!?!?!?!?!
So, now before I use my own bathroom in my OWN apartment I not only have to inspect it, but I wipe it down.
…which is how I found present #2.
Saturday, December 24, 2011
Is that.. toilet paper???
Ok so even though I don't have any pictures to back up my story, I decided to share this one with you. Just because it makes me laugh and cry and vomit a little, all at the same time.
Two weekends ago we are actually getting along, feeling a little bit more like friends than roommates. The past few days leading up to Saturday we had talked more than we had in probably two months put together. I try to play nice and suggest we go bowling with the boys. Sounds like a fun time.
Art goes into the bathroom to "clean up" before Bart's basketball practice, he gets out and they leave. From across the living room I notice as he gets out of the bathroom a small white spec on his neck. More his cheek than his neck... his jaw line I guess. Hmmm... he doesn't usually shave on the weekends, how odd. Maybe he cut himself shaving. I think nothing more of it, they're at their game for a few hours, I spend that time cleaning my room, doing laundry, etc. When they return he asks if we're still going bowling, I say sure, I just wanted to finish this stuff up, take a shower, etc.
I do that and we go bowling. Before we leave, in the kitchen, I notice that same white spot again. Trying not to stare, on just a passing glance, it still looks like it might be toilet paper. Ok, I thought he would have removed it at basketball, or it would have come off on its own. Guess not.
We take separate cars to go bowling and when we get there we're standing in line to get shoes... and there is that white spot. It's just asking to be looked at. It's very obvious. SO... I look.
It's definitely not a boil.
I wouldn't call it a pimple.
It's simply...
...a bubble of pus.
Maybe it's his siamese twin that's been trapped inside him and it's finally breaking through to the surface.
If that's a pimple I've never seen a pimple like that in my life. That's the most disproportionate pimple in the history of all pimples. There was barely any red skin underneath it, and the "whitehead" was about half the size of the tip of my pinky. Can you picture it??? Is it turning your stomach??? GOOD. Now I'm not alone.
So my first thought is... HOW DO YOU NOT SEE THAT????? And if you do see it, how do you not get rid of it?!?!?!?!?
We order food and I make sure to position myself on the OTHER side of the Pus Monster growing out of the side of his neck. After we eat, we bowl, and I can't help but look at the Pus Ball.
Throughout the day he goes into the bathroom several times. Out comes the Pus Ball. Really? It's practically GLOWING - how do you not take care of that?
I can't help but laugh when thinking of him walking around with Mr. Pus McPusington clinging to the side of his neck all day, and what people must have been thinking. Probably what I've been thinking all day: "Eww. GROSS."
Finally LATER that night - I mean later later, I finally see the Pus Bubble is gone. Did he actually remove it, or did it rub off on something? Did the Pus Pressure increase to uncontainable amounts that it finally erupted??? The thought makes me shudder. We do share a hand towel in the bathroom... But you better believe we won't be any more.
After this week's soap incident it all makes sense.
Perhaps if you rubbed the soap on your skin, colonies of bacteria wouldn't feel they had the right to create a Bio-Dome on your FACE.
...and the crescent is still there. Just in case you were wondering. Since Monday. It's now Saturday. Stay tuned.
Two weekends ago we are actually getting along, feeling a little bit more like friends than roommates. The past few days leading up to Saturday we had talked more than we had in probably two months put together. I try to play nice and suggest we go bowling with the boys. Sounds like a fun time.
Art goes into the bathroom to "clean up" before Bart's basketball practice, he gets out and they leave. From across the living room I notice as he gets out of the bathroom a small white spec on his neck. More his cheek than his neck... his jaw line I guess. Hmmm... he doesn't usually shave on the weekends, how odd. Maybe he cut himself shaving. I think nothing more of it, they're at their game for a few hours, I spend that time cleaning my room, doing laundry, etc. When they return he asks if we're still going bowling, I say sure, I just wanted to finish this stuff up, take a shower, etc.
I do that and we go bowling. Before we leave, in the kitchen, I notice that same white spot again. Trying not to stare, on just a passing glance, it still looks like it might be toilet paper. Ok, I thought he would have removed it at basketball, or it would have come off on its own. Guess not.
We take separate cars to go bowling and when we get there we're standing in line to get shoes... and there is that white spot. It's just asking to be looked at. It's very obvious. SO... I look.
It's definitely not a boil.
I wouldn't call it a pimple.
It's simply...
...a bubble of pus.
Maybe it's his siamese twin that's been trapped inside him and it's finally breaking through to the surface.
If that's a pimple I've never seen a pimple like that in my life. That's the most disproportionate pimple in the history of all pimples. There was barely any red skin underneath it, and the "whitehead" was about half the size of the tip of my pinky. Can you picture it??? Is it turning your stomach??? GOOD. Now I'm not alone.
So my first thought is... HOW DO YOU NOT SEE THAT????? And if you do see it, how do you not get rid of it?!?!?!?!?
We order food and I make sure to position myself on the OTHER side of the Pus Monster growing out of the side of his neck. After we eat, we bowl, and I can't help but look at the Pus Ball.
Throughout the day he goes into the bathroom several times. Out comes the Pus Ball. Really? It's practically GLOWING - how do you not take care of that?
I can't help but laugh when thinking of him walking around with Mr. Pus McPusington clinging to the side of his neck all day, and what people must have been thinking. Probably what I've been thinking all day: "Eww. GROSS."
Finally LATER that night - I mean later later, I finally see the Pus Bubble is gone. Did he actually remove it, or did it rub off on something? Did the Pus Pressure increase to uncontainable amounts that it finally erupted??? The thought makes me shudder. We do share a hand towel in the bathroom... But you better believe we won't be any more.
After this week's soap incident it all makes sense.
Perhaps if you rubbed the soap on your skin, colonies of bacteria wouldn't feel they had the right to create a Bio-Dome on your FACE.
...and the crescent is still there. Just in case you were wondering. Since Monday. It's now Saturday. Stay tuned.
Friday, December 23, 2011
Soap is slippery. So is being greasy. Incident #2
Ok so I decided to push the toothbrush incident out of my head. Mostly because it grosses me out and I don't want to think about it. But there's another incident I must tell you about.
This past Monday night I put my boy in the shower. I told him to use my soap. (Art and I each have our own bar of soap because we've now got 2 of everything with all of our fighting - there is no more "combined" anything... lines have been drawn.) He says he likes Art's soap because it's blue (mine is white) so... whatever. This is an argument I'm not gonna bother with.
Tuesday when I'm in the shower I use up the last of my bar of soap - time to put a new one in the shower. CRAP I don't have anymore, I'll have to pick some up after work. Tuesday night comes and I'm running errands and of course I forget the soap. Cue Wednesday morning, shower time.
In the shower, I have no choice but to use Art's soap. He won't mind if I use it ONCE... (Hey, I saw he used my tub margarine without asking... who scoops it with a fork, really??? Hello leave no evidence if you're gonna steal!!!) so I go to grab the soap and I see a big large "M" that my boy had carved on each side of the bar. Ok... those "M"s are completely undisturbed. He made them Monday night... it's now Wednesday morning. Did we skip over Tuesday?
After I use the bar and the M's are completely erased (as they would be if the bar was used). Instantly the suppressed traumatic memories of the toothbrush incident fill my head, and I'm left knowing I'm going to have to watch the soap now. Yup - booby trap time. I decide to re-carve the Ms, to leave the soap exactly as I found it.
Side note: There is only one body wash in the bathroom and it belongs to my boy. It smells like watermelon. Don't think Art would use that, but of course I have no definite proof. I ASSUME he doesn't, since it's for kids. He has no body wash in the bathroom. Again, nothing he carries to and from the bathroom with him.
Wednesday night my boy uses the shower. (I've since bought my soap again - phew!) I re-carve the M.
Thursday morning I shower, check the M - yup, still there. Thursday night I come home from work. Straight to the bathroom I go. M is still there. Thursday night Bart is there so he gets in the shower and erases the M while using the bar of soap.
Thursday night before bed I press my fingernail tip into the bar of soap, creating a clearly visible but fairly discreet crescent carved into the soap.
Friday after work I check. FOR SURE the crescent must be gone!!!!!! I go right into the bathroom after work and pull open the curtain - not even caring if I make noise and he's going to wonder what I'm looking at. (Don't get sloppy... be more careful!!!)
AND THE CRESCENT IS STILL THERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Stay tuned...
...maybe Santa will bring him a shower for Christmas...
This past Monday night I put my boy in the shower. I told him to use my soap. (Art and I each have our own bar of soap because we've now got 2 of everything with all of our fighting - there is no more "combined" anything... lines have been drawn.) He says he likes Art's soap because it's blue (mine is white) so... whatever. This is an argument I'm not gonna bother with.
Tuesday when I'm in the shower I use up the last of my bar of soap - time to put a new one in the shower. CRAP I don't have anymore, I'll have to pick some up after work. Tuesday night comes and I'm running errands and of course I forget the soap. Cue Wednesday morning, shower time.
In the shower, I have no choice but to use Art's soap. He won't mind if I use it ONCE... (Hey, I saw he used my tub margarine without asking... who scoops it with a fork, really??? Hello leave no evidence if you're gonna steal!!!) so I go to grab the soap and I see a big large "M" that my boy had carved on each side of the bar. Ok... those "M"s are completely undisturbed. He made them Monday night... it's now Wednesday morning. Did we skip over Tuesday?
After I use the bar and the M's are completely erased (as they would be if the bar was used). Instantly the suppressed traumatic memories of the toothbrush incident fill my head, and I'm left knowing I'm going to have to watch the soap now. Yup - booby trap time. I decide to re-carve the Ms, to leave the soap exactly as I found it.
Side note: There is only one body wash in the bathroom and it belongs to my boy. It smells like watermelon. Don't think Art would use that, but of course I have no definite proof. I ASSUME he doesn't, since it's for kids. He has no body wash in the bathroom. Again, nothing he carries to and from the bathroom with him.
Wednesday night my boy uses the shower. (I've since bought my soap again - phew!) I re-carve the M.
Thursday morning I shower, check the M - yup, still there. Thursday night I come home from work. Straight to the bathroom I go. M is still there. Thursday night Bart is there so he gets in the shower and erases the M while using the bar of soap.
Thursday night before bed I press my fingernail tip into the bar of soap, creating a clearly visible but fairly discreet crescent carved into the soap.
Friday after work I check. FOR SURE the crescent must be gone!!!!!! I go right into the bathroom after work and pull open the curtain - not even caring if I make noise and he's going to wonder what I'm looking at. (Don't get sloppy... be more careful!!!)
AND THE CRESCENT IS STILL THERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Stay tuned...
...maybe Santa will bring him a shower for Christmas...
Background Info and the first incident...
Ok so I just recently decided to live with a roommate... a friend I've known for over 10 years. We were very close friends and I figured what could possibly go wrong? I knew moving in together would either make or break our friendship... and it has been tested. Maybe it's because we're opposite sex roommates. Maybe it's because there's an age difference. Maybe I'm just not meant to have a roommate. Either way, I'm here to document what is happening... the good, the bad and the ugly of living with a roommate. And boy does it get ugly. And DIRTY. And there WILL be pictures. Intrigued?
Ok really - this is a place for me to vent. The reason for this blog is to share some very specific stories that I find both humerous and revolting... and it's easier to write it down in one place than to have to tell everyone the story multiple times. Maybe you can relate, maybe you have stories of your own to share. I won't bore you with the details of everything leading up to this point. There have been good times and bad, laughter and texting arguments. But there is one incident that started it all...
It was a Friday night. My roommate (we will call him Art) and I were playing the Wii. Our boys were playing in their room. (Ok, I have to give a little bit more info, we have a 3 bedroom apartment, Art has his room, I have my room, and each of our boys share a room.) Art's son, Bart (fake) asks him to open up a Spiderman safe. Art opens up Bart's safe, and starts laughing. Apparently there is a plastic action figure boot in the safe - it caught Art by surprise. A little while later, Art goes into his room and starts laughing - says the boot was in the middle of his bed and it's following him. We continue to play the Wii and a little while later I see the boot on the floor. I point it out to Art and he laughs again and picks it up, walks out of the room.
A while later I open up a cabinet to get a snack and the boot is in the cabinet. Haha how funny - it's now a game of hide and seek! I hide the boot in his insulin box, knowing he will find it later. In the meantime, he has left to go to the store, we end up arguing. He comes home, goes into the bathroom (where the boot and the insulin are), then goes into his room - angry of course. Saturday morning I wake up and put my boy in the shower... there's the boot. Hmmm... despite his anger, he is still playing. Ok, my turn to hide it.
I decide to put it on his stand up electric toothbrush like a pen cap, figuring he will find it quickly and then hide it. Saturday was busy. Saturday night I go to check where the boot could possibly be, it's my turn to hide it!!!!
I open up the shelf where the toothbrushes are... and there's the boot capping his toothbrush. Hmmm... ok. Time for bed.
Before I go on, I have to say, I've now decided to hide my son and my toothbrush in a drawer. There is nothing that comes and goes with him when he goes into the bathroom - there are no other toothbrushes in the bathroom that are opened... so no spare. Just sayin...
Sunday morning he goes to work, I am home with my boy. Ok let's find the boot and then find a good hiding spot for it. Open the toothbrush shelf (there's a curtain covering it - it's a shelf built into the wall of the bathroom) and there's the boot!!!!! ...capping his toothbrush. Ok... maybe he's not playing anymore. I uncover the toothbrush and touch it to my palm and it's dry and crusty. I thought if he'd used it and re-capped it, it must be damp. Right? It's covered, not exposed to the air to dry quickly.
Ok... I need to test this out. I decide to booby trap his toothbrush. I put a TINY spec of toothpaste on the side of the bristles of the brush. Small enough where he won't notice it because he won't be looking for it, and small enough where it will definitely be wiped off if the toothbrush is used. Sunday night I sleep at my sister's house.
Monday comes and goes, and I get home after work with my boy... you better believe the first place I go to is the bathroom. Nevermind the boot... DID HE USE HIS TOOTHBRUSH????
Remove boot (yes, still there)
Locate toothpaste spot (YES... STILL THERE!!!!)
Carefully replace boot to not disturb the toothpaste.
Tuesday morning, before work. THE BOOT IS STILL THERE!!!
Remove boot
Locate toothpaste spot (***GAG***)
Carefully replace boot to not disturb the toothpaste. At this point I consider starting a blog and taking pictures to document this process. But I don't take a picture.
Tuesday night I come home from class... and I make a beeline for the bathroom.
The boot is off the toothbrush, the toothbrush has finally moved, and the boot is on the handle of my hairbrush.
Which means, as I suspected... he hid it as soon as he found it. He continued the game.
Do I sound excited? Nope. Why, you may ask???
Because, if you've been paying attention, that means the boot was on the toothbrush undiscovered from Saturday morning until some point on Tuesday.
Yeah.
Ok really - this is a place for me to vent. The reason for this blog is to share some very specific stories that I find both humerous and revolting... and it's easier to write it down in one place than to have to tell everyone the story multiple times. Maybe you can relate, maybe you have stories of your own to share. I won't bore you with the details of everything leading up to this point. There have been good times and bad, laughter and texting arguments. But there is one incident that started it all...
It was a Friday night. My roommate (we will call him Art) and I were playing the Wii. Our boys were playing in their room. (Ok, I have to give a little bit more info, we have a 3 bedroom apartment, Art has his room, I have my room, and each of our boys share a room.) Art's son, Bart (fake) asks him to open up a Spiderman safe. Art opens up Bart's safe, and starts laughing. Apparently there is a plastic action figure boot in the safe - it caught Art by surprise. A little while later, Art goes into his room and starts laughing - says the boot was in the middle of his bed and it's following him. We continue to play the Wii and a little while later I see the boot on the floor. I point it out to Art and he laughs again and picks it up, walks out of the room.
A while later I open up a cabinet to get a snack and the boot is in the cabinet. Haha how funny - it's now a game of hide and seek! I hide the boot in his insulin box, knowing he will find it later. In the meantime, he has left to go to the store, we end up arguing. He comes home, goes into the bathroom (where the boot and the insulin are), then goes into his room - angry of course. Saturday morning I wake up and put my boy in the shower... there's the boot. Hmmm... despite his anger, he is still playing. Ok, my turn to hide it.
I decide to put it on his stand up electric toothbrush like a pen cap, figuring he will find it quickly and then hide it. Saturday was busy. Saturday night I go to check where the boot could possibly be, it's my turn to hide it!!!!
I open up the shelf where the toothbrushes are... and there's the boot capping his toothbrush. Hmmm... ok. Time for bed.
Before I go on, I have to say, I've now decided to hide my son and my toothbrush in a drawer. There is nothing that comes and goes with him when he goes into the bathroom - there are no other toothbrushes in the bathroom that are opened... so no spare. Just sayin...
Sunday morning he goes to work, I am home with my boy. Ok let's find the boot and then find a good hiding spot for it. Open the toothbrush shelf (there's a curtain covering it - it's a shelf built into the wall of the bathroom) and there's the boot!!!!! ...capping his toothbrush. Ok... maybe he's not playing anymore. I uncover the toothbrush and touch it to my palm and it's dry and crusty. I thought if he'd used it and re-capped it, it must be damp. Right? It's covered, not exposed to the air to dry quickly.
Ok... I need to test this out. I decide to booby trap his toothbrush. I put a TINY spec of toothpaste on the side of the bristles of the brush. Small enough where he won't notice it because he won't be looking for it, and small enough where it will definitely be wiped off if the toothbrush is used. Sunday night I sleep at my sister's house.
Monday comes and goes, and I get home after work with my boy... you better believe the first place I go to is the bathroom. Nevermind the boot... DID HE USE HIS TOOTHBRUSH????
Remove boot (yes, still there)
Locate toothpaste spot (YES... STILL THERE!!!!)
Carefully replace boot to not disturb the toothpaste.
Tuesday morning, before work. THE BOOT IS STILL THERE!!!
Remove boot
Locate toothpaste spot (***GAG***)
Carefully replace boot to not disturb the toothpaste. At this point I consider starting a blog and taking pictures to document this process. But I don't take a picture.
Tuesday night I come home from class... and I make a beeline for the bathroom.
The boot is off the toothbrush, the toothbrush has finally moved, and the boot is on the handle of my hairbrush.
Which means, as I suspected... he hid it as soon as he found it. He continued the game.
Do I sound excited? Nope. Why, you may ask???
Because, if you've been paying attention, that means the boot was on the toothbrush undiscovered from Saturday morning until some point on Tuesday.
Yeah.
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