Ok, so while I’m venting, I may as well VENT, right? This one is straightforward and talks about bodily fluids, so if you’re going to be offended – skip it. We all use the bathroom. No sense getting all giggly or embarrassed about it. Ok here goes.
Sometimes I think I may be living with an animal. An animal besides the dog I actually live with (which is Art’s). And here’s where I wonder if the issue is the fact that we’re opposite genders. But then I think back to when I was married and I never had this problem before. I think of the places that I’ve visited and the people that I know and I’ve never encountered this issue before. So apparently my roommate is a creature all on his own or he’s purposely going out of his way to disgust me.
I need to talk about: THE TOILET.
At first I thought it was the dog. Then, I thought it was the boys. (They’re both 6 and might not know any better.) Now, I think there’s only one explanation.
See, what I’m talking about is not the toilet seat being left up, as is usually the complaint of most women. I’d gladly deal with a lifted toilet seat if at least the seat was left clean and usable. My issue is with whatever is left on the toilet.
“What is left on the toilet???” you might be asking yourself. Or maybe you think you know. Nope, it’s not what you assume. And it’s not just one thing.
On more than one occasion I noticed there were dried up drops of something that appeared to have a sheen to it on the floor in front of the toilet. Yes, it looks like if you drop something that isn’t water, and it dries up and leaves a residue. It’s not a stain. It’s a residue. How do I know that??? Ugh – I found out the hard way.
BUT before we get to that story... let’s talk about the drops. Men out there – I ask you: Do you watch where you pee? Do you make sure you’ve STOPPED peeing before you step away from the toilet? When you’re sitting on the toilet, do you make sure you are going to pee INSIDE the toilet???
Like I said before, I thought it was the boys, and more than once I’ve noticed that Bart “forgets” to put up the toilet seat and we end up with a puddle of pee behind the seat, on the seat, on the floor next to the toilet. But the thought that maybe it was Bart went out the window when one day when neither of the boys were there I went into the bathroom after work and there are some drops in front of the toilet. I was overcome with the urge to grab Art by the back of the head, push his head down so his nose is right ON the drops and scream at him. See, if you’re going to act like an animal, I’ll gladly treat you like one.
As you know, women SIT on the toilet when they’re not someplace public, because they TRUST that whoever they live with or are visiting or have visiting are not DISGUSTING and won’t leave unwanted presents for you to find on your toilet seat.
Well, this one time I used the toilet. In my own apartment. After I got up, and start pulling my pants up, I felt that the back of my leg felt sticky. Not gooey oozy sticky, just sticky. Um… ok. Let’s look on the toilet seat. It looks shiny yet it’s dry. Um… ok. Cue the disgust and anger.
So if the drops are on the floor in front of the toilet that’s one thing, but how did they get ON the toilet seat??? Art is good for making sure the seat is down most of the time, but now I wonder if he even bothers to lift it when he goes. Or is he leaving the residue when he’s sitting, and he maybe doesn’t make it IN the toilet. Ugh – am I dealing with a child???
See, I don’t know about you, ladies, but anytime I hover, I run the risk of leaving a drop or more on the toilet seat. It depends on my aim, how bad I have to go, and how much I’ve had to drink. Common courtesy has me take some toilet paper and wipe up anything I leave behind, even if I’m in a public restroom. Why do I bother???? BECAUSE I’M NOT AN ANIMAL!
Ok something else… WTF is the residue???? He is a big time soda drinker (he drinks soda, Hard Iced Teas, milk… that’s it), and he is a diabetic.
Is it possible he is urinating aspartame????? WHY IS HIS URINE SO STICKY?!?!?!?!?!
So, now before I use my own bathroom in my OWN apartment I not only have to inspect it, but I wipe it down.
…which is how I found present #2.
Sometimes I think I may be living with an animal. An animal besides the dog I actually live with (which is Art’s). And here’s where I wonder if the issue is the fact that we’re opposite genders. But then I think back to when I was married and I never had this problem before. I think of the places that I’ve visited and the people that I know and I’ve never encountered this issue before. So apparently my roommate is a creature all on his own or he’s purposely going out of his way to disgust me.
I need to talk about: THE TOILET.
At first I thought it was the dog. Then, I thought it was the boys. (They’re both 6 and might not know any better.) Now, I think there’s only one explanation.
See, what I’m talking about is not the toilet seat being left up, as is usually the complaint of most women. I’d gladly deal with a lifted toilet seat if at least the seat was left clean and usable. My issue is with whatever is left on the toilet.
“What is left on the toilet???” you might be asking yourself. Or maybe you think you know. Nope, it’s not what you assume. And it’s not just one thing.
On more than one occasion I noticed there were dried up drops of something that appeared to have a sheen to it on the floor in front of the toilet. Yes, it looks like if you drop something that isn’t water, and it dries up and leaves a residue. It’s not a stain. It’s a residue. How do I know that??? Ugh – I found out the hard way.
BUT before we get to that story... let’s talk about the drops. Men out there – I ask you: Do you watch where you pee? Do you make sure you’ve STOPPED peeing before you step away from the toilet? When you’re sitting on the toilet, do you make sure you are going to pee INSIDE the toilet???
Like I said before, I thought it was the boys, and more than once I’ve noticed that Bart “forgets” to put up the toilet seat and we end up with a puddle of pee behind the seat, on the seat, on the floor next to the toilet. But the thought that maybe it was Bart went out the window when one day when neither of the boys were there I went into the bathroom after work and there are some drops in front of the toilet. I was overcome with the urge to grab Art by the back of the head, push his head down so his nose is right ON the drops and scream at him. See, if you’re going to act like an animal, I’ll gladly treat you like one.
As you know, women SIT on the toilet when they’re not someplace public, because they TRUST that whoever they live with or are visiting or have visiting are not DISGUSTING and won’t leave unwanted presents for you to find on your toilet seat.
Well, this one time I used the toilet. In my own apartment. After I got up, and start pulling my pants up, I felt that the back of my leg felt sticky. Not gooey oozy sticky, just sticky. Um… ok. Let’s look on the toilet seat. It looks shiny yet it’s dry. Um… ok. Cue the disgust and anger.
So if the drops are on the floor in front of the toilet that’s one thing, but how did they get ON the toilet seat??? Art is good for making sure the seat is down most of the time, but now I wonder if he even bothers to lift it when he goes. Or is he leaving the residue when he’s sitting, and he maybe doesn’t make it IN the toilet. Ugh – am I dealing with a child???
See, I don’t know about you, ladies, but anytime I hover, I run the risk of leaving a drop or more on the toilet seat. It depends on my aim, how bad I have to go, and how much I’ve had to drink. Common courtesy has me take some toilet paper and wipe up anything I leave behind, even if I’m in a public restroom. Why do I bother???? BECAUSE I’M NOT AN ANIMAL!
Ok something else… WTF is the residue???? He is a big time soda drinker (he drinks soda, Hard Iced Teas, milk… that’s it), and he is a diabetic.
Is it possible he is urinating aspartame????? WHY IS HIS URINE SO STICKY?!?!?!?!?!
So, now before I use my own bathroom in my OWN apartment I not only have to inspect it, but I wipe it down.
…which is how I found present #2.
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