GASP! The HORROR! (Present #2)

I usually have a routine when I get home from work/school:  I get home, dump my stuff in my room, go to the kitchen to put my dirty coffee mug/containers from lunch, go to the bathroom, then figure out dinner or whatever I’m going to do for the evening.  This particular day was a day Art didn’t have to work, so he was home all day. 

See, as my prior post explained, I now have to examine the toilet seat before I sit down.  Otherwise I run the risk of permanently sticking to the toilet seat.  Maybe he should patent his urine as an adhesive. 

It was last week – the week I noticed the M on the soap.  I get home, dump my stuff, go into the kitchen, say hi to Art (he’s on his computer), go to the bathroom.  What I find in the bathroom is so disturbing I’m not sure how you’re going to take it.  I wanted to run screaming.  I had to hold back an audible gasp of horror.  It was WAY more than I was prepared for.

Stuck TO the urine adhesive was the longest pubic hair I’ve ever seen.  And there was more than one.  The longest was at least two inches long.  I exaggerate NOT.  I was tempted to not only grab a ruler, but my camera.  But since Art was right outside I didn’t have time.  I washed the toilet seat with what I had in the bathroom – toilet paper, hand soap and water.  I was afraid of coming close to the hairs, for fear they might attack me. 

You thought I was joking about the sticky residue?  Clearly the adhesive was so strong it plucked a small clump of these earth worms out of Art’s pubic area.  This incident left me dazed, confused and full of questions.  Questions like:

1.       Are we living in a small tribe in some third world country where they’ve never heard of trimmers or razors?

2.       How do you live day to day while having dreadlocks between your legs? 

3.       Is that uncomfortable?  It must get HOT down there.

4.       How do you not notice what you’re leaving behind on the toilet when you clearly do NOT live alone?

5.       Are any stores currently running any specials on weed whackers???

I quickly used the bathroom, washed my hands, and then went into my room for the rest of the night.  I was left with no appetite and I clearly didn’t want to interact with Art. 

At this point… should I say something?  Should I buy him a gift certificate somewhere?  Do they sell washes/cuts/styling for the pubic area???  I’m at a loss.

What I do know is this: 

I will now put a container of disinfecting wipes in the bathroom and a pair of rubber gloves – I’m not sure what’s coming next. 

…and there are 126 days left until April 30, 2012.  Then, the lease is up.